what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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