Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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