i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
