ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
