i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
