i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
