the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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