so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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