I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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