The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
