oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
