can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
