you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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