her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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