Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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