life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
