Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
