The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
