i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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