i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
