I want to walk on stilts...naked
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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