I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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