I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
