My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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