you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
