we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
