I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
