hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize