You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
