Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
