as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize