I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
