I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
