the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
