i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
