just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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