so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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