I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
