guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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