Dual....:-)
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
