also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
