What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
