I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
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Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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