is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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