Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
