you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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