I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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