I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
