I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
