nut hugger
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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