I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
