I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
