how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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