That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She said her name was "party"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
