We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
