i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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