suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
