you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
