I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
