Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
