If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My penis needs a shock collar
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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