Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
