she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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