my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize