you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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