I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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