Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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