Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
