'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
