Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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