i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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