Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
