so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
