I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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